I mentioned to a couple of people last week that I've been hunting down a russian film called 'Stalker'. Coincidentally, the main character of my new book mentions the film in the first 3 pages. Are these amusing little elements of my life or am I a media zombie who's thoughts and seekings are controlled via advertising or propaganda?
I've been missing someone for 9 hours and 10 minutes. Or perhaps much, much longer.
Maybe if I throw up the 'horns' occasionally to my colleagues they will think that my nodding to sleep over the last hour has all been me gently head banging to my iPod.
11:45 and my colleague tells me in a very serious, conspiracy theorist way that what he is roto-ing right now really, really looks like a dick.
Is Tuna Dolphin-Friendly because Dolphin's don't eat Tuna?
Why I have a rap song on my iPod which is literally about waiting for the police to go away so he can track down a girl and hit her in the face with his gun I do not know. This should be looked in to.
Pump Pump Pump that Area.
Remembered that last night as I left work I look upwards in to the sky and thought I saw a beautiful constellation of stars. Though they faded and turned out to be blood in my eyes. Oh woe.
17:06 : A Battle. I will win. For sure.
19:10 : Battle Won. High Fived Colleagues, good feelings all around. This was much needed.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
ThinkPad 17.02.2009
Victoria Line cancelled. Took bendy bus and stood in the central circular turny part. Took every ounce of x-treme sports experience I had in order to remain standing. Other people noticeably less adept at this.
Morning spent at work listening to the radio or someone elses iPod playing out on the speaker system. A cacophony of music which I listened to when I was young and mostly of bands I saw live. Nu Metal terrors like Korn and Limp Bizkit with the occasional interlude of Marilyn Manson. I wonder if this is someone elses iPod. Me and them would get along, I should investigate.
Simon and Matt worked until 8:30am this morning and were back in at 11 today. 3 Hours rest. Hardcore mofos.
Every Tuesday the fire alarm sounds as a test, a single second of noise every week accompanied by a two second duration of internalized terror going on in my brain/heart.
Youtube idea - re-read poems I wrote as a depressed angsty teen with a degree of seriousness in order to bait trolling and general flame wars. Then reveal it was all a joke.
At several points during the day, the Roto team tried to discuss schedules and deadlines - referring to previous weeks work. All that was revealed is that we have all lost our abilities to correctly perceive space and time.
Hopefully buying a tablet. All excited. Getting excited reminded me of feelings for a certain person. I wonder if people feel this heat and exhilaration differently to me. It can feel like the foundation of a whole lot of hurt, and there's clemency to that. Somehow.
Quarter to 4, I can feel the cynicism and depression creeping up. Though currently I'm like that guy who's laughing at his friend who fell, without realizing that he's about to get hit by a wrecking ball and his friend fell in to safety. If that makes any sense.
I am now a wreck. And I am missing you right now. Bittersweet Symphony plays on the speakers. Who put this on? It's on Random.
Thought about people who hear voices in their heads. Why do the voices always say bad things. 'Kill yourself' and such. Do any mad people hear voices that say things like "You look nice today." "I want to hold you. You are amazing"? If not, why not?
Am I tired of being under-rated or am I just a frustrated newbie?
This is all just a phase. Just a phase.
I think I just saw one of those flying spider things.
Heresy. This coca cola imitation is Heresy.
5:10PM. Someone is sending me their calm.
I wonder if I am interesting because I am weird. I'm not sure I want to be weird. Different, sure. Weird no.
18:36 - Conversation Topic with Colleagues : Would you let me date your daughter? Amusing.
18:45 - Much Reliefs.
Morning spent at work listening to the radio or someone elses iPod playing out on the speaker system. A cacophony of music which I listened to when I was young and mostly of bands I saw live. Nu Metal terrors like Korn and Limp Bizkit with the occasional interlude of Marilyn Manson. I wonder if this is someone elses iPod. Me and them would get along, I should investigate.
Simon and Matt worked until 8:30am this morning and were back in at 11 today. 3 Hours rest. Hardcore mofos.
Every Tuesday the fire alarm sounds as a test, a single second of noise every week accompanied by a two second duration of internalized terror going on in my brain/heart.
Youtube idea - re-read poems I wrote as a depressed angsty teen with a degree of seriousness in order to bait trolling and general flame wars. Then reveal it was all a joke.
At several points during the day, the Roto team tried to discuss schedules and deadlines - referring to previous weeks work. All that was revealed is that we have all lost our abilities to correctly perceive space and time.
Hopefully buying a tablet. All excited. Getting excited reminded me of feelings for a certain person. I wonder if people feel this heat and exhilaration differently to me. It can feel like the foundation of a whole lot of hurt, and there's clemency to that. Somehow.
Quarter to 4, I can feel the cynicism and depression creeping up. Though currently I'm like that guy who's laughing at his friend who fell, without realizing that he's about to get hit by a wrecking ball and his friend fell in to safety. If that makes any sense.
I am now a wreck. And I am missing you right now. Bittersweet Symphony plays on the speakers. Who put this on? It's on Random.
Thought about people who hear voices in their heads. Why do the voices always say bad things. 'Kill yourself' and such. Do any mad people hear voices that say things like "You look nice today." "I want to hold you. You are amazing"? If not, why not?
Am I tired of being under-rated or am I just a frustrated newbie?
This is all just a phase. Just a phase.
I think I just saw one of those flying spider things.
Heresy. This coca cola imitation is Heresy.
5:10PM. Someone is sending me their calm.
I wonder if I am interesting because I am weird. I'm not sure I want to be weird. Different, sure. Weird no.
18:36 - Conversation Topic with Colleagues : Would you let me date your daughter? Amusing.
18:45 - Much Reliefs.
The Plan
Here's the plan;
In the mornings and the day I am brimming with energy, thinking little things which make myself smile and I always have an overwhelming urge to share them with others. Maybe to try and provide an insight in to the way my curiosity works, and maybe just to try and see if anyone else thinks 'yes! I do that too!"
The problem I'm having is that I'm working so much over-time(unpaid) in order to chase my ambitions and leave a good impression that it's making me either forget what it was I'd thought about that I wanted to write about, or it's just replacing it with exhaustion and depression. I really don't want that side of me to be the one which always gets represented. Because it's really not who I am.
My proposed solution is that I jump online and write notes, placeholders and cues as things happen. I have the ability to hop online at work and do this at intervals so as to rest my eyes from work. So there's the opportunity to get things written down I want to take advantage of, even if only once every couple of weeks.
So there's the plan, the entries will be marked "ThinkPad". So be warned that they may not make much sense.
-Hybrid
In the mornings and the day I am brimming with energy, thinking little things which make myself smile and I always have an overwhelming urge to share them with others. Maybe to try and provide an insight in to the way my curiosity works, and maybe just to try and see if anyone else thinks 'yes! I do that too!"
The problem I'm having is that I'm working so much over-time(unpaid) in order to chase my ambitions and leave a good impression that it's making me either forget what it was I'd thought about that I wanted to write about, or it's just replacing it with exhaustion and depression. I really don't want that side of me to be the one which always gets represented. Because it's really not who I am.
My proposed solution is that I jump online and write notes, placeholders and cues as things happen. I have the ability to hop online at work and do this at intervals so as to rest my eyes from work. So there's the opportunity to get things written down I want to take advantage of, even if only once every couple of weeks.
So there's the plan, the entries will be marked "ThinkPad". So be warned that they may not make much sense.
-Hybrid
Monday, February 02, 2009
With a Heavy Heart (I regret to inform you)
So, I caught myself thinking;
When I was a kid we used to go on occasional school trips. I remember one time eyeing a piece of documentation much like the one pictured. It was a pyramid system for our parents to call each other and distribute news of our well-being.
I was just thinking, say our coach plummeted off the side of a cliff and in to a frozen lake. Sending us all to an icey death - meaning 'that' call would have to be made. Would everyone's parents keep it together and stick to the pyramid system so everyone finds out?
-Hybrid.
When I was a kid we used to go on occasional school trips. I remember one time eyeing a piece of documentation much like the one pictured. It was a pyramid system for our parents to call each other and distribute news of our well-being.
I was just thinking, say our coach plummeted off the side of a cliff and in to a frozen lake. Sending us all to an icey death - meaning 'that' call would have to be made. Would everyone's parents keep it together and stick to the pyramid system so everyone finds out?
-Hybrid.
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